Been a while!

Apologies life has been flying by and just got back from a weeks holiday where I had more chance of seeing pigs fly then finding some reliable 3G! 

Despite only going to the Isle of Wight we were very lucky with the weather! I managed to keep my insulin cool by using a frio bag which I would highly recommend for anyone going abroad (or not) for high temperatures! 

So lots of things have happened since my last post including me passing my driving test at the end of May (third time lucky hurrah) So I am now enjoying my freedom of being able to go wherever and of course the extra expense of a car which more less empties my poor bank account every month! 

Next challenge is motorway driving! 

I also have met someone and we have been together for 2 and a half months and he is just amazing, in fact one of the first things he did when we got together was research diabetes and ask me questions to better understand it, people who aren't diabetic won't understand how important that is but it really is! I feel so much better know that he understands what I go through and my moods and what to do if there is an emergency.... 

My skin still isn't great but I had my consultation and turns out I am the perfect candidate for light treatment... Bad news is that I have to wait about three months for it to start, but I'm glad I'm making progress with it and hopefully when the treatment is done it won't be coming back! 

So yea life is actually good for a change and my happiness is starting to re appear altho I would be happier if I didn't have to deal with the pollen levels this year! Waking up not being able to breath isn't fun and hard to enjoy the summer when you look like Rudolph and blowing your brains out every ten seconds.... Oh well at least the weather is nice I suppose! :) 

For now I leave you with a picture of possibly the happiest iv been in a long time... You can see the sheer joy in my face! All those that visit the Isle of Wight I recommend going to Amazon world!! 

Slow and steady!

Whoops sorry not updated in a while life has been busy! 

Well since my last blog I have already seen a change in the way this month is going! I'm nearly back to full health at last and feeling a lot better about everything! My skin hasn't fully recovered which I am a little down about but I'm hoping this will improve when I see a specialist! 

booked my driving test (well rebooked it since the dvla decided to cancel it! Grr) so I have been trying to go out and practice in my car lots with friends which has helped and I need to pass this time! I need my freedom lol, 

anyway things are going pretty ok at the moment, including a recent visit to the dentist concluding that I do not have a tooth infection and it's just my wisdom teeth! I didn't think I was that wise to be honest ;) and didn't expect 3 of them to come through at the same bloody time 😤 Urgh! At least I have an answer tho...

We have also appeared to have an early summer here! The sun has been shining and we have had a lovely couple of weeks where it's been warm which has helped my skin a little and made me feel slightly better about it! Altho due to being in the garden at work and such I have developed some awful tan lines 🙈

Too many antibiotics??

Typically after being ill for a while And me starting to feel happy again, I was waiting for something else to go wrong which it did in the form of a horrible toothache running up to the weekend! Went to the dentist after the weekend to be told that my wisdom tooth was pushing through onto the tooth next to it which had an infection so I was thinking they will just give me some antibiotics right? 

Wrong!! Apparently because I have had so many antibiotics recently they didn't want to give me any more!!! So now I am just supposed to suffer with the pain until they can give me some......

*bangs head on iPad* 

Think positive.... Think positive..... Think positive.... Gahhhhhh! 😭

Another year older!

That's right I am now 21! Ok fine 27 :( 

Been a hectic weekend with birthday plans and seeing various family and friends :) luckily I was allowed to have a few drinks.. Ok so I had a lot haha but I had to celebrate getting old didn't i!? 

They are non alcoholic I swear...... ;) 

And the HBA1C is........

Drumroll.......

8.9% a lot of you may think that's a little high, and quite rightly so but I'm actually really happy with it! Considering all the shit I have been through the last couple years I think that's pretty good going :) it's lower than my last one and that's all that matters, progress means everything even if it's slow and steady! 

For all you non diabetics who are thinking "what the heck is a hba1c!?" It's a routine blood tests that diabetics have that measures the amount of glycated haemoglobin (hb) in the blood and gives an average based on the past 6 months or so.... Simplified even more it's basically testing how much sugar is in our blood over a short period so we keep it in check and make sure we are less prone to all those nasty complications! It then gives a result that is converted into a percentage. 

Apart from that everything else was fine thank god! Perfect blood pressure, feet check went alright and no other infections or anything :) 

Now I just have to make sure I go to all the other appointments, oh and I need to book my eye scan! 

"Your blood test results came back...."

Interesting phone call from the doctor this morning... " your blood test results came back positive for glandular fever" Oh! so it wasn't tonsillitis then!?

So turns out that it was a lot more than tonsillitis and signs of poor liver function showed up in my routine diabetic bloods! No wonder I was feeling so ill, altho maybe I was a lucky one as Iv heard of people being ill for months with glandular fever and for me it was only a couple of weeks...

So anyway now they want to do a liver function test to make sure that everything is back to normal as the glandular fever affected how it was working, they have also told me I cannot drink..... Not ideal considering it's my birthday weekend this week but I'm going to speak to the doctor about that! 

March is turning out to be a rather unhealthy month! Let's hope for better next month please :) 

I found the cure!

Today was the first time looking in the mirror and I thought I actually look like myself! 

after nearly 2 weeks of doctors, 111 calls and stupid antibiotics that didn't do anything, now I have some new antibiotics and I'm finally starting to feel like me again :) 

My throat swabs came back all clear and they are no longer concerned with me having glandular fever! Basically they said what happened was I started out with strep throat, which went untreated and so it escalated into tonsillitis, then the infection spread to my chest and got worse as the antibiotics they gave my first of all weren't doing anything.... So no wonder I was so poorly! 

What I have noticed however is that my blood sugars have been near perfect during the day and this morning was the 5th morning that I have woken up to a hypo! Upon noticing this the first couple times I started to eat extra carbs in the evenings to compensate and I still woke up low! 

I cannot explain it apart from the fact that these are miracle antibiotics and I may have found the cure to type one diabetes! Haha I only wish, altho I wonder if my doctor would let me take them for the rest of my life!? 😌

All fun and games....

Ok so I got slightly worried last night due to coughing up what looked like bloody tissue and called 111, who got an out of hours Dr to call me back and told me to get an appointment ASAP! 

So saw the lovely Dr again today, I may as well move in to the surgery! Told them my symptoms haven't got any better and some new symptoms I had, they proceeded to poke and prod me, stuck a swab down my neck and nearly made me gag! Bleurghhhhh

Dr said that either the antibiotics aren't working as they should do OR I may possibly have glandular fever.... Im sorry what!? 

Apparently there is a blood test for glandular fever but you have to do it at a certain time otherwise it may not even show up in the results... So I have to wait another week and if my symptoms persist then they will do the test!

So now I'm on different antibiotics and feeling like a guinea pig :(

Just want this all to end now please!!/'s when it does I am putting myself into a sterile bubble!! 😷

It's ok, having tonsillitis means you can eat a ton of icecream......

Another upside to life as a diabetic.... Lol

So 2nd day off work, temperature has appeared to have gone down which is good so literally just dragged my self out the flat and over the road to get some more nurofen, soups and soft foods etc.... Felt like and most probably looked like death and glad it's just across the road! 

Not sleeping very well, I tend to wake up at random times I suspect when the painkillers I took before bed have run out and so I wake up wth horrible headaches and really difficult swallowing and breathing, some abdominal pain aswell :( and earache for some reason

As soon as the nurofen kicks in I am fine, just a bit of a sore throat and heavy head feeling but that's it, and I can deal with that it's just when they run out that is really painful! I also noticed last night the White bits at the back of my throat which weren't there when the doctor examined me and are really gross! However Iv been told that when they appear it's nearing the end of the infection so that's good I suppose! Skin appears to be healing too but not gonna give up my hopes just yet! 

Looking out the window and seeing how nice it is and all the people in the pub gardens doesn't make me feel better (even tho I would be at work anyway) but that's not the point lol 

Oh well another sunny day and there's me with my weetabix, soups and copious amounts of drugs yippee! 

Can't catch a break!

Safe to say this past month has been full of ups and downs, mostly downs unfortunatly! And not even talking about the diabetes, that's actually been for once the least of my worries! 

It al started with a nasty cold I have about three weeks ago, throat was very painful but thought nothing of it and it gradually subsided! However a week and a half later I wake up, look in the mirror and honestly I'm in shock! My skin had overnight broken out everywhere (I suffer from mild psoriasis) and so for the following couple weeks I tried everything to research why and even got myself on the list for light therapy! (Even though pretty pointless as they couldn't even see my till June!) so I had no confidence, self esteem and my doctor was no help whatsoever! So I was very down, hiding away and didn't want to see anyone! The only person who was helpful was my briliant dad who was giving me all sorts of tips and stuff and trying to cheer me up, so I thankyou so much for that :). 

A few days later after bathing myself in every lotion and potion I could get my hands on, I start to feel ill, my throat was sore, I could feel my glands were swollen and I was finding it hard to swallow, so I did some research and found out that outbreaks of psoriasis are common after having a throat infection! I didn't know this!? Probably as I haven't ever had a throat infection! This may explain it, This may have been why it happened as I could still be harbouring some infection from last time and actually I was now starting to feel very ill! 

Next day I made an appointment with the doctor but I was feeling very ill, checked my temperature and it was high! My head felt very heavy like I was in a bubble and my throat was killing me! There was no cough tho, I made a point of seeing a different doctor who after a few tests and that said that I had tonsillitis! I wasn't expecting that! So off I went with my ten days worth of antibiotics (80 tabs!) feeling like absolute death... Which is where I am now, in bed, off work in a lot of pain and with now what appears to be a chest infection as well! 

Seriously can I not catch a break!?  

That time of night again...

It's this time at night again where my stupid mind decides to think and look back on life....feeling angry about the fact I have not one, but two incurable illnesses and thinking about people I envy who have the perfect lives that are all coming together, when mine is falling apart... All the mistakes Iv made, how things could be so different right now, how much happier I would possibly be.... 

A dangerous thought trail to go down I know, not worth thinking about the should a, woulda, could a.. But sometimes I do wonder where I would be now if I didn't go on that holiday that made me poorly and led to this illness that will probably ending up killing me, if I had just done that one thing different with that special guy and not fuck everything up (again), if I just turned the steering wheel a teeny bit to the left and passed my damn driving test! 

People always say to me "life is what you make it" and whilst yes I agree, but it's pretty hard to do that when you have been dealt such a shit hand, (and before anyone says it yes I am aware there are people worse off then me!) but that doesn't mean I lose my right to complain!? what if I didn't choose to be ill, didn't choose to have something that totally demolishes my confidence and self esteem? I know I didn't choose this and yes I know that you should always make the best of what you have, but sometimes that can be so difficult when you feel like you have nothing positive, and your just waiting for the next bit of shit to come your way and shake your world even more....

On a more positive note, I have purple hair!! 

Time flies!

5 years ago on this day I was diagnosed... It's gone so quick! 

It's definitely been a rollarcoaster of emotions, that's for sure! So for my 5 year anniversary I thought I would share my diagnosis story.... It's a bit of an emotional one and still is to this date the scariest time in my life but here goes....

D day - my story 

I was so confused laying on a hospital bed....all i was hearing was this word 'Diabetes' I had heard of this word but did not know what it meant and was not aware of how this one little word was going to affect me for the rest of my life...

I had been feeling horrid all week! Drinking water, milk and anything I had to hand by the gallon and going to the toilet too many times to count, mouth was dry and sore throat, i was sick and had no appetite and had lost nearly a stone in weight...feeling very tired all the time and not wanting to move....what a way to end the great half term i was having. I put it down to a virus or a bug and went to bed that friday night feeling like death warmed up.

Woke up feeling worse than the previous day, made myself get up and dressed and felt so weak and tired, i knew something was wrong so i asked my friend to take me to A and E just to get myself checked out. Got seen pretty quickly and had a discussion with the doctor led to him diagnosing me with 'gastroenteritis' or something along those lines.... I protested alot as i knew it was more than that but i gave up and figured he was the doctor and he knew what was best, so took my gaviscon he gave me and went back home.

Woke up sunday midday...seriously not feeling good! Tried to get some food down me and also guzzled some lucozade for much needed energy boost. By about 4pm i was feeling so weak i could not even stand up without holding onto something, my breathing was really shallow too, my flatmate and our friend were in at the time and this led to another trip to the hospital exept i had to be almost carried to the car this time as i could not even hold myself up..i remember falling asleep in the waiting room and then hearing my name being called to be seen...but not alot after that..

I remember collapsing in the corridoor and the next thing i remember was laying on a bed several nurses and doctors putting IVs and different tubes into me (including the doctor who misdiagnosed me) and hearing that word diabetes....

Woke up in intensive care with some family members by my side and in pain, attached to several drips including one that was pumping insulin into me like no tomoro! It was only later i understood what a bad state i was in. Apparently i got to the hospital at the right time as all my organs were starting to fail, my body was shutting down and i was very close to a coma

I hated hospital, I couldn't sleep due to them waking me every hour for a blood test, i had a IV in each arm, one massive one in my neck with numerous leads stapled onto it and dangling things coming off it attaching me to various liquids, because my body was deficient in well.. Everything as it goes, I had to drink liquid potassium which was foul and i won't even mention the catheter! I remember crying a lot and just thinking what have I done to deserve this??

I couldnt belive this was happening, there had been no record of any diabetes in either side of the family and i just felt so angry and confused. I spent 3 nights in intensive care and a further 2 in a general ward learning about my life long condition and how to inject myself and about eating right and nutrition etc...got given a big box of stuff which included a blood glucose meter, a novapen and other bits and pieces essential to a diabetic. The only thing that kept me sane was the support i got from many friends and family during my stay and i would like to thank everyone for coming to visit me, i would not have got through it without you guys.

Finally i got to leave when they were happy that i could manage by myself, and so my dad picked me up with various bruises, looking like something been bitten by dracula in a horror movie, i left scared, confused and angry that i now had a condition that would stay with me for my entire life...I had diabetes.

Live updates

GThought it may be an idea to do some live diabetic updates, maybe so people can understand more what it's like living with this condition when your not very well...(or have been stupid and not realised your insulin has leaked)

Anyway 

1:33am the need to pee (again!) and blood sugar check: 18.2 fml! 

4:47am wake up with the need to pee, mouth is also dry, blood sugar check: 19.3... :/

8:30am my alarm goes off for my insulin injection which i do with an added correction but forget to check blood sugar and go back to sleep 

11:30am blood sugar check: 9.9! The extra insulin I gave myself must have had some effect, feeling a bit better :)

What a day!

Bit of a nightmare today, well seeing as I have them at night why not during the day too! :/ 

1am went to pee

3am got up to pee

4am woke up to pee.... How I didn't suss anything was wrong at this point I don't know! Maybe too groggy/sleepy but anyway woke up as normal felt awful, blurred vision and knew something was off so I checked my sugar... 21.3 fuck!! 

I'd also had/still have some other health problems and had been ill the past week so thought maybe it was a recovery thing but the fact I then remembered this was my 4th pee in a short time I did start to worry! I had some important plans this morning so just decided to leave it for now and if it got worse or higher I would get some help! 

I tried to think of reasons that it could be but I was tired and couldn't really think straight not to mention my tummy rumbling due to not eating as my sugars were so high! 

I posted on facebook for help and a few of my diabetic friends had some good suggestions about changing insulin cartridges so I looked in my bag to have a glance at my pens and as I check one of them my hands were wet.... With insulin! The bottom of the cartridge was shattered and insulin was leaking out everywhere.... 

This had never happened before and I was so shocked that I hadn't noticed it! Nearly 5 years a diabetic and didn't even notice, well now I was feeling very stupid! I was however happy that I ha found the reason and I wasn't going to die :) 

Picked up some new insulin and sugars slowly started to come down, I still feel a bit rubbish and very stupid but alls well that ends well I guess! 

Nightmares....

Imagine laying in bed, completely aware of everything around you. You can hear the radio you left on and can open your eyes.... but you cant move, your body is still, paralysed. Suddenly you hearnoises, strange blood curdling noises, an overwhelming sense of fear comes over you and you feel something sat with you on your bed, hear its breathing, its growling.... it begins to move up your legs and suddenly you feel the covers moving back, and its breath on your cheek, growling like some sort of demon creature, you cannot move, your stuck but you feel the fear...the nightmare that is sleep paralysis.

The photo about depicts this really well, This is what i experience, i dont tell alot of people about it as i feel that i sound like a bit of a freak! but this known phenomenom is called sleep paralysis and its a sleep disorder that is becming more and more known, when i had my first one years ago i had no idea what it was but after some research found out all about the disorder.

Basically when you fall asleep during the REM stage your body releases chemicals that paralyse you so you dont act out your dreams.... people with sleep paralysis something goes wrong and we wake up before this process is complete, we are half way between asleep and awake, aware of everything but unable to move, and then we see hallucinations and have a horrible sense of fear and intrusion! Nobody knows why, it has been said that it is to do with the paranormal and demons but others argue its just a state of hallucination with a scientific explanation behind it. Some people have even reported to experience out of body experiences! There is more information here.

They say that every person will experience this at least once in their lifetime, for me its more like 1-2 times a week which has increased recently, i was going to go see my gp but then the episodes seemed to decrease, i think because i was happier a few weeks ago and now im not as happy, its also been linked to stress and sleep patterns, and i have also found that mine is triggered sometimes by high blood sugars before i sleep but not always.

Id be interested to know of anyones experiences with this, leave comments or contact me as i find the whole thing fascinating altho still the scariest thing i have ever experienced whilst sleeping!

Scientific explanation or demons at work??

Man up, its just a cold....

So as i am currently suffering from this cold/flu thing, sitting around feeling sorry for myself, i thought what better thing could i post about than illness!

When you have diabetes, sick days mean alot more than a cold and a sore throat.... An illness such as this can lead to an increase in our blood sugars and diabetics have to follow certain guidelines when this occurs. This includes checking our levels more often, increasing insulin doses, checking temperature, and making sure we drink lots of fluids, among other things.

Its ok to say to someone "man up its just a cold" but for us it really isnt, its alot more! When your body fights an illness, it releases extra glucose into the blood stream to try to help combat it.... obviously in a diabetic this is not helpful! Not only are we suffering with the illness, we are also battling to control our blood sugars, this leads to us not only feeling shitty from the cold but even worse due to high blood sugars, tired, achy, not being able to function properly, blurred vision, shakiness, slow reactions. Its important to keep levels down as if they become too high, it could lead to keytones and a hospital visit but sometimes we are fighting a losing battle and people dont tend to understand what we have to deal with when we are ill.

Whevever blood sugars are above 7mmols, it is doing some kind of damage to our body.... eyesight, lungs, heart etc and its hard not being able to control that damage just bacause you have an illness and cant get your blood sugars below 10... half the time there is no control and you do feel helpless :(

While im on the subject of illness im going to have a rant about the cold relief market! cough syrups, drinks, lozengers, all to give cold and flu relief.....all full of bloody sugar!! i found one packet of strepsils that were sugar free, double the amount of the others, and also double the price and more often then not full of laxatives! not impressd :(

So here is abit of advice, when somone is ill, dont be one of those people that say "man up" "get over it" "its just a cold" because they could be fighting a battle you cant see, you dont understand, and is bigger then you think. 

Well the photo below depics how my weekend will be, hope you all have a better one lol 

So far, so good :)

So it's the new year and already there has been some positive changes! 

A couple of weeks ago a senior position was going at my work so I applied and was shortlisted for an interview! So a couple weeks later I am waiting to go in, having done the written test and a shit load of preparation, and am literally shaking! (I'm not great in interview panels) but I came out really positive having done my best and headed home to finally relax.

A couple hours later my managers number flashes up on my phone, I was thinking maybe I had left something at work as I wasn't expecting to hear back until a few days, nope! She called to inform me that all the interviews had been done and she would like to offer me the position.....  I GOT THE JOB!

Pretty sure I squealed down the phone haha, she then went on to say that I was heads and shoulders above the rest and I should be really pleased :) so I'm officially a senior from the start of February and so happy! A lot more responsibility though, I will be working with management a lot more and mentoring new staff as well as existing support workers! I'm sure I will find my place soon as u guess it's hard to do that when stepping up to a new position, and I know I will have the support of everyone at work! Needless to say I went out straight away to celebrate! A few bottles of wine later ( with good company :) My friends all came out to celebrate with me and a few hours later went to bed with the room spinning haha! Well it was a celebration after all :D 

Two of my close friends recently got engaged as well, who I could not be happier for! so we have been celebrating the occasion as well as some birthdays! Some other things are maybe too soon to mention also but appear to be positive too and I'm pretty happy :) 

Holiday planning is well underway as well, which is great as I get to spend time with my girls :) only downside is that yet again my driving has taken a back seat.... As I am now saving for the holiday as well as paying back my loan.... I really could do with a money tree!! :) 

As for the diabetes... I don't think iv actually moaned about it in a while! Iv had a couple of hypos but that's it really, not been bothering me too much and iv had my mind on other happy things....

I can honestly say this could be the happiest I have been in ages :) 

Happy new year!

Hope you all had a good one, im just about feeling human again after a rather boozy night! My work xmas do was brilliant and im excited to start a new year with all my amazing work family :) i was working alot over xmas but now have a few days off to see family and friends which is nice.

I make no resolutions, i never do as they never stick anyway haha i just want to survive another year without killing anyone, myself, and oh not crash anymore cars :) maybe pass my driving test and stop biting my nails! ok so i do have some but i would rather call them life goals than resolutions!

One thing i would like to do is get my diabetes care back on track... i honesty cant remember the last time i had a blood test or saw a diabetes specialist which is awful i know but life and other matters seem to have got in the way and diabetes took a back seat which it should never do :(

Think the hardest thing will be remembering to write 2015 on everything now lol

So heres to a happy and healthy (ish) new year to all!