How to fail your driving test in 30 mins.....

How do you know when you've failed your driving test? When your exchanging insurance details in the car park... That's how! 

Yep, it was my 2nd time round, feeling confident and positive.... Oh how that was short lived! I don't think I could have failed more spectacularly if I tried :( 

Was doing the independent driving route, which I found out was a route I had never been with my instructor during lessons! Panicked a little but thought I could do it! Was at a big roundabout with 4 exits which were traffic light controlled, looked at the sign and got myself into the correct lane and moved onto the next set of lights, and as the lights went green I had a look at the sign to make sure I was at the right exit and swerved over the Lane and into somebody's car...... 

Needless to say I was shaken and upset, the guy I hit was lovely about it all and all he was concerned about was me.... My examiner was a complete dick and not once asked if I was ok and was more concerend about himself and the car, as was my instructor. I was also told that accidents on driving tests are very rare... So of course that made me feel much better!! :/

Later in the day I got a call from the guy I hit and obviously I thought the worst, but turns out he just wanted to call me to definitely make sure I was ok :) then told me not to worry as it took him 4 tries to pass his test bless him! Not many people would have done tha

So I'm now probably known as the girl who crashed at the test centre... Maybe need to change? 

I won't give up! Seeing my car on the drive every day is all the incentive I need :) 

The emotional side......

So I have been stuck in some sort of sad state for a few days that I couldn't snap myself out of until now! Due to my diabetes uv had a lot of problems with my teeth that I thought I had all sorted last Christmas! At my recent dental appointment it has come to light that all the work I had done had failed and I either need to have all the work done again or have the teeth taken out.....  As well as that I was told I had three infections and have to take more antibiotics.....This triggered something inside of me and to to be honest I totally broke down there and then in the dentist chair! 

This is the part of diabetes that people don't see.... Yes we look healthy on the outside but it's a totally different story on the inside let me tell you! Yes we do the finger pricks and the injections and to be honest that doesn't not bother me, yes they aren't nice but you get used to them, I don't hate the physical side to diabetes, however It's hard to see the emotional side of having diabetes and even harder for people to understand... Especially if your like me and bottle up everything which makes it even worse. 

So here goes I'm opening up and telling it how it is for once! 

I don't hate the physical side of diabetes, I hate diabetes for the way it makes me feel, the way it makes me scared that I won't live through the night, the constant worry of what's going to happen in the future and when I sometimes cry myself to sleep when I think about whats going to happen in 10 years time? Will I still have my feet? My kidneys? Who wants to be with a person who's body is falling apart!? I hate diabetes for taking away my confidence and my ability to form healthy relationships... And distancing myself from people I love. I hate it for never giving me a break, never having a day off and throwing everything back in my face despite trying every effort to control it! I hate that it can make me feel so strong but at the same time make me break down into a pool of tears... It's this side that people don't see and it makes you feel so alone sometimes and no non diabetic will ever understand the pain, I'm lucky that I have amazing friends who really try to understand and pick me up when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and I know they can never understand fully what I experience but the fact they are always there to support me means the world. 💛💙💜💚❤️