How to fail your driving test in 30 mins.....

How do you know when you've failed your driving test? When your exchanging insurance details in the car park... That's how! 

Yep, it was my 2nd time round, feeling confident and positive.... Oh how that was short lived! I don't think I could have failed more spectacularly if I tried :( 

Was doing the independent driving route, which I found out was a route I had never been with my instructor during lessons! Panicked a little but thought I could do it! Was at a big roundabout with 4 exits which were traffic light controlled, looked at the sign and got myself into the correct lane and moved onto the next set of lights, and as the lights went green I had a look at the sign to make sure I was at the right exit and swerved over the Lane and into somebody's car...... 

Needless to say I was shaken and upset, the guy I hit was lovely about it all and all he was concerned about was me.... My examiner was a complete dick and not once asked if I was ok and was more concerend about himself and the car, as was my instructor. I was also told that accidents on driving tests are very rare... So of course that made me feel much better!! :/

Later in the day I got a call from the guy I hit and obviously I thought the worst, but turns out he just wanted to call me to definitely make sure I was ok :) then told me not to worry as it took him 4 tries to pass his test bless him! Not many people would have done tha

So I'm now probably known as the girl who crashed at the test centre... Maybe need to change? 

I won't give up! Seeing my car on the drive every day is all the incentive I need :) 

The emotional side......

So I have been stuck in some sort of sad state for a few days that I couldn't snap myself out of until now! Due to my diabetes uv had a lot of problems with my teeth that I thought I had all sorted last Christmas! At my recent dental appointment it has come to light that all the work I had done had failed and I either need to have all the work done again or have the teeth taken out.....  As well as that I was told I had three infections and have to take more antibiotics.....This triggered something inside of me and to to be honest I totally broke down there and then in the dentist chair! 

This is the part of diabetes that people don't see.... Yes we look healthy on the outside but it's a totally different story on the inside let me tell you! Yes we do the finger pricks and the injections and to be honest that doesn't not bother me, yes they aren't nice but you get used to them, I don't hate the physical side to diabetes, however It's hard to see the emotional side of having diabetes and even harder for people to understand... Especially if your like me and bottle up everything which makes it even worse. 

So here goes I'm opening up and telling it how it is for once! 

I don't hate the physical side of diabetes, I hate diabetes for the way it makes me feel, the way it makes me scared that I won't live through the night, the constant worry of what's going to happen in the future and when I sometimes cry myself to sleep when I think about whats going to happen in 10 years time? Will I still have my feet? My kidneys? Who wants to be with a person who's body is falling apart!? I hate diabetes for taking away my confidence and my ability to form healthy relationships... And distancing myself from people I love. I hate it for never giving me a break, never having a day off and throwing everything back in my face despite trying every effort to control it! I hate that it can make me feel so strong but at the same time make me break down into a pool of tears... It's this side that people don't see and it makes you feel so alone sometimes and no non diabetic will ever understand the pain, I'm lucky that I have amazing friends who really try to understand and pick me up when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and I know they can never understand fully what I experience but the fact they are always there to support me means the world. 💛💙💜💚❤️

Low

Sorry iv not posted, been at work/Weymouth for the past two days and lots of stuff happening, busy busy!

So got home from work after having a lovely dinner, chilled out on the sofa watching telly and feel a bit hungry to go and grab some crisps... Start to feel hot, shakey and wobbly and low and behold...... 

I suspect all the walking in Weymouth had some play in this...Not the lowest I have had but at least I know my hypo awareness is good!! So after munching some reduced Halloween gummy fangs, I am now demolishing a big bag of Phileas fog tortilla chips, which most diabetics will know will come back to bite me in the arse later on, hey ho! 😆

A more exciting subject!

Ok so the following days are BG readings and food etc... Iv been eating on the run and been at work a lot and so couldn't take photos of what Iv been eating and it wouldn't really make sense! So Iv decided to go a little off the diabetes topic and share my new purchase that I got yesterday........

Yep I bought a car.... Not just a car but my first ever car!! Finalised the purchase yesterday and this little beauty is all mine! It's perfect with only a few miles on the clock, immaculate inside and out, and only one previous owner :) 

So hopefully when I get all this tax and insurance business sorted out (it's literally giving me a headache) I will be able to drive it home at the weekend! 

For those of you who don't know, no I haven't passed my test yet lol but when I do at least I will be all ready to go! 

Pretty sure I have broken my bank account the last few days shelling out for the car, driving lessons, car insurance, dentist fees, road tax and so on! But I'm sure it will all be worth it :) 

November challenge - day 9: hypos

Day 9: hypos

For those who are unaware, a hypo is a short name for hypoglycaemia, this is where blood sugar falls to a dangerous level, this is usually below 4mmols for most diabetics. This is dangerous and if not treated immediately can be fatal as our body will begin to shut down and may fall into a coma. A hypo needs to be treated quickly with a small amount of sugar to bring the blood glucose levels back up to a stable level. Every diabetic will always have a stash of sweets/sugary carbs on them for this reason. 

When my blood sugar goes below this level I start feeling very ill, diabetics experience different hypo awareness, for me personally I start to feel very hot, very dizzy, hungry and then my hands start to shake followed by a very strange feeling that I can only describe as "feeling like jelly" it's very hard to explain to someone who has not experienced it! 

I have pretty good hypo awareness, which means I can easily tell when my blood glucose is falling, I will then do a finger prick and if below 4 will have some sweets or sugary carbohydrate to bring them back up! After 15 mins or so the rule is to test again, if still low have more glucose, then when blood sugars rise always have some long acting carbohydrate to make sure they stay up and done fall again, this could be a bit of toast or a couple of biscuits... After a hypo you can feel worn out and won't recover for a while, a lot of diabetics including me experience the "uncontrollable urge to eat everything phase" again very hard to explain, out body is basically craving carbs due to the low blood glucose! But if we give in to the urge it usually ends up with our sugar going the opposite way, it's a hard habit to break! 

So what do I use for my hypos? 

I usually carry sweets on me at all times, whatever I fancy at the time really, I like fruit pastils at the moment but you won't ever catch me with those awful gluco tabs yeughh!! 

November challenge - day 8: post diagnosis

Oops looks like I was so wrapped up in yesterday's thoughts I forgot to post day 8 :(

Day 8: post diagnosis

I won't lie, Coming out of hospital was scary, yes it was nice to be home but not so great knowing that I had to deal with this condition on my own now, but I actually surprisingly took to it rather well! I wanted to learn about it and I wanted to be able to understand it and how to manage it! I read countless books and publishings, found online forums and support networks, the diabetic nurses were impressed and said I was very pro active! 

That lasted a few months and then I went downhill... I guess you could call it the stages of grievance, I was grieving my old life, the one the died when I was diagnosed, the one where I was free to do what I liked, eat what I wanted, thought about positive things! It was hard and I changed as a person immensely, I shut myself away, not wanting to see anyone and those people close to me just didn't understand what I was essentially going through! They say in situations like that you truly find out who your real friends are, well let's just say that I did... 

So yes it was difficult adjusting but I did snap out of the state I was in and just learned to deal with it all, the online forums helped me so much, meeting and talking to people sharing the same condition made me realise that actually I wasn't the only one and wasn't alone in the things I was going through.. I really think I wouldn't have coped as well as I did back then without the online support community and I am so thankful for that :) 

When it rains...it pours

They say things come in 3's... more like 10's! Not feeling great the past couple days, not in a good place and feeling very down due to some bad news and developing circumstances that i cant disclose, as well as failing my driving test, family troubles, dental issues, and failed relationships.

Hate feeling like this, and stress, worry and tears do not help my blood sugars and they have not been too great, when i have been checking them anyway... Finding it hard at work also, having to leave the room because you start to think too much and can feel your eyes welling up and you cant stop it and cant tell anyone why, luckily my managers are amazing people and very sympathetic to things like that.

Its frustrating when you try so hard to be happy and positive, I consider myself a strong person because of my past and what i have been through... but you can only take so much shit before you get to a breaking point. This is one of the reasons i blog, it lets me get stuff off of my chest by writing them down, and somehow it helps.

Hopefully monday will cheer me up as i am going to look at some cars and if i find one i like i may get it by the end of the week! Not that i can drive it yet... :(

... Waiting for the rainbow!!

November challenge - Day 7: Pre Diagnosis

Day 7: Pre diagnosis - my story.....

21/10/10 - The day i will never forget...

I was so confused laying on a hospital bed and being wheeled to intensive care...all i was hearing was this word 'Diabetes' I had heard of this word but did not know what it meant and was not aware of how this one little word was going to affect me for the rest of my life...

I had been feeling horrid all week! Drinking water and milk by the gallon and going to the toilet too many times to count, mouth was dry and sore throat, i had no appetite and had lost nearly a stone in weight...feeling very tired all the time and not wanting to move from my bed atall i had also been sick the previous day....what a way to end the week off i was having. I put it down to a virus or a bug and went to bed that friday night feeling very ill!

Woke up on the saturday feeling even worse than the previous day. i made myself get up and dressed and felt so weak and tired, i knew something was wrong so i got my good friend to take me to A and E just to make sure i was ok. Got seen pretty quickly and done some tests and a discussion with the doctor led to him diagnosing me with 'Gastroitis' or something along those lines... i protested alot as i knew it was more than that but i gave up and figured he was the doctor and he knew what was best, so took my gaviscon he gave me and went back home.

Woke up sunday midday...seriously not feeling good! i tried to get some food down me and also guzzled some lucozade for much needed energy boost (well so i thought at that time) By about 4pm i was feeling so weak i could not even stand up from my bed without holding onto something, my flatmate and our friend were in at the time (thank god) and this led to another trip to the hospital exept i had to be almost carried to the car this time as i could not even hold myself up..i remember falling asleep in the waiting room and then hearing my name being called to be seen...but not alot after that!

I remember going into A&E and falling asleep... my friend woke me up saying i had been called and as i walked towards the door, i think i passed out because the next time i woke up i was laying on a bed several nurses and doctors putting IVs and different tubes into me (including the doctor who misdiagnosed me) and hearing the word DKA, i closed my eyes again as i felt my bed being moved.

Woke up in intensive care with some family members by my side and in pain, attached to several drips including one that was pumping insulin into me. It was only later i understood what a bad state i was in. Apparently i got to the hospital at the right time as all my organs were starting to fail and i was very close to a coma and not waking up.

I hated hospital, i had hourly fingerpricks and blood tests, an IV in each arm, and one in my neck with numerous stapled taggy things onto it and dangling things coming off it attaching me to various liquids, i had to drink liquid potassium as i was low in everything, and i wont even mention the catheter!

I couldnt belive this was happening, there had been no record of any diabetes in either side of the family and i just felt so angry and confused. I spent 3 nights in intensive care and a further 2 in a general ward learning about my life long condition and how to inject myself and about eating right and nutrition etc...got given a big box of goodies which included a blood glucose meter, insulin pen and other bits and pieces essential to a diabetic. The only thing that kept me sane was the support i got from many friends and family during my stay and i would like to thank everyone for coming to visit me, and writing me letters and cards, and especially my mum who travelled up nearly every day :) i would not have got through it without you guys.

Finally i got to leave when they were happy that i could manage by myself, and so i left with various bruises, looking like something been bitten by dracula in a horror movie, i left scared, confused and angry that i now had a condition that would stay with me for my entire life...I had diabetes.

November challenge - day 6: exercise

Day 6: Exercise

Exercise usually ends up with my feeling like this.. Exercising when having type one is difficult! As your using more energy than usual and so it makes your blood sugars go low.. So then you have to eat to get them back to normal levels thus rendering the exercise pointless! Exercise could be anything, Iv gone low just walking to the shops! We can't just spontaneously go to the gym, it has to be planned! You have to take into consideration what you have eaten and when, how much fat was in your meal, the time between eating and exercising, how much insulin you have in your system already etc.. Sounds complicated? Yes it is!

November challenge - day 4-5 HBA1C and Insulin

Day 4: HBA1C A hba1c is a routine blood test that diabetics should have every 3/6 months to measure how well their diabetes is being controlled. The test measures how much glucose is being carried by the red blood cells, and therefore the higher the number outcome, the more glucose in the blood, and the poorer the control s you can see by looking at the chart. It is important to keep your diabetes under control and keep your hba1c low as failing to do so could result in nasty complications later on...




Day 5: Insulin

 Insulin is a diabetics life support, it is NOT a cure and without it we would die, simple as! Insulin is a very important hormone that our pancreas produces to keep our blood sugars stable, obviously in a type one diabetic this does not happen and so we have to inject our own...this is tricky as the pancreas releases insulin according to the food we consume and it releases just enough in very small amounts, this is very hard to replicate by injecting as we inject it all in one go, its hard to get the same effect and thats why we have to calculate very carefully the carbohydrates that we consume and the timing of our injections...no easy feat! some people choose to weigh their food, others choose to look at the portion size and make a guess! its important to get the dose right, too little insulin may cause our blood glucose to sky rocket and feel very ill! Too much will cause it to plummet and feel very ill! we have to get the balance right.

November challenge - Day 1-3: Selfie, injections and BG

As i have missed a few i will just catch up and start at the beginning :)

Soooo day 1: shameless selfie! Doesnt matter if your having a good hair day, or your in your favourite outfit, or you are just happy and want to share it, everyone loves a good selfie now and again, and if they dont, they are lying!! :p

Day 2: pump or MDI? I am currently using MDI, for the non diabetic community that is multiple daily injections. As a type one diabetic i cannot produce my own insulin, these pens are loaded with insulin that i have to inject myself with on a daily basis. These are my two insulin pens i use throughout the day. the blue one is whats called long acting insulin (basal) i take this twice a day to ensure my blood glucose is stable during the day and night. the other silver pen is called fast acting insulin (bolus) this one i use whenever i eat/drink something with carbohydrates. Its important when injecting that we change the area we inject into, if we dont we may get build up in that area and may become less resistant to the insulin which of course is not a good thing. 

Day 3: BG tester. As a type one diabetic, as well as stabbing myself multiple times with a needle, i also have to stab my fingers too! I have to check my BG (blood glucose) several times a day and even sometimes during the night. I will test before and sometimes after food, before going to bed, waking up from sleep, before driving, before and after exercise, if i am feeling low/high. This is so i know what my levels are, for example i have to test before i eat to make sure i can calculate the right amount of insulin for what i am about to eat, and this is done several times a day, you can only imagine how many that is in a year! My meter is quite clever as it calculates this for me and also lets me know how much insulin i still have in my system :)

November challenge!

So as it is diabetes awareness month i thought what better way to start the November challenge! I will post a photo a day of each of the topics and talk about it a little and also share my personal experiences, its all about raising awareness :)

Introduction

Ok so i havent blogged for over a couple years now and really wanted to start it going again! I thought it best just to start a new blog entirely as so much has changed since then... and i thought what better month to start a new blog as it is diabetes awareness month (although every month is diabetes awareness month to me lol)

So my introduction.... I am Nikki, im 26 and i was diagnosed with type one diabetes in 2010 just before my 22nd birthday. I was in a pretty bad way when diagnosed and was very lucky to make it but thats a story i will go into more detail on a bit later. I have had ups and downs with my diabetes over the years as we all do but i feel myself lucky in other ways, i have a job as a support worker which i love and i have the most amazing friends that anyone could wish for, and great family support as well as the online community :)


So hopefully this blog will open peoples eyes a little more to diabetes, the ups, downs, struggles, humour, and also just general day to day life of a 26 year old lol. I will update and post as much as i can, feel free to follow and share :) x