The emotional side......

So I have been stuck in some sort of sad state for a few days that I couldn't snap myself out of until now! Due to my diabetes uv had a lot of problems with my teeth that I thought I had all sorted last Christmas! At my recent dental appointment it has come to light that all the work I had done had failed and I either need to have all the work done again or have the teeth taken out.....  As well as that I was told I had three infections and have to take more antibiotics.....This triggered something inside of me and to to be honest I totally broke down there and then in the dentist chair! 

This is the part of diabetes that people don't see.... Yes we look healthy on the outside but it's a totally different story on the inside let me tell you! Yes we do the finger pricks and the injections and to be honest that doesn't not bother me, yes they aren't nice but you get used to them, I don't hate the physical side to diabetes, however It's hard to see the emotional side of having diabetes and even harder for people to understand... Especially if your like me and bottle up everything which makes it even worse. 

So here goes I'm opening up and telling it how it is for once! 

I don't hate the physical side of diabetes, I hate diabetes for the way it makes me feel, the way it makes me scared that I won't live through the night, the constant worry of what's going to happen in the future and when I sometimes cry myself to sleep when I think about whats going to happen in 10 years time? Will I still have my feet? My kidneys? Who wants to be with a person who's body is falling apart!? I hate diabetes for taking away my confidence and my ability to form healthy relationships... And distancing myself from people I love. I hate it for never giving me a break, never having a day off and throwing everything back in my face despite trying every effort to control it! I hate that it can make me feel so strong but at the same time make me break down into a pool of tears... It's this side that people don't see and it makes you feel so alone sometimes and no non diabetic will ever understand the pain, I'm lucky that I have amazing friends who really try to understand and pick me up when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself and I know they can never understand fully what I experience but the fact they are always there to support me means the world. 💛💙💜💚❤️